I've always wanted to be extraordinary. I always wanted to be special. I wanted to be a writer. I always wanted to be different. You should really be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. Only problem is... it might not be the way you want it to be.
I wanted to be extraordinary...to my doctors, I am. They have never seen someone with my condition like they see me. I always wanted to be a special person. I am. I'm special to my family because now no matter how old I am, where I live or what is happening around the world, I will always need someone to watch and take care of me. I wanted to be a writer. I may not be published, but I write and I leave my blood, sweat and tears on paper when my pen touches it. I always wanted to be different. Until recently I realized I always have been different it just wasn't as obvious to me as it is now.
I should be careful what I wish for because I did get everything I wished for but it was nothing like I planned it to be. But that' show life works out write. Nothing really works out how you plan it, it's all about how you rebound and roll with the punches.
I've always wanted to be one of those people you meet in your life that you'll never forget and believe it or not I will be a one of those people to those I allow to get to know me for who I am and not just want I go through or for what I allow them to perceive of me. I come with the good, the bad and the ugly but I always have moments of absolute beauty. I said it to myself a thousand times and now I'm going to publish it- in my own special way that is. I want to be better. I want to take care of myself and others. I'm going to follow my dreams as far as they will take me. One day I will be published. One day I will be okay. I'll know how to take care of myself and I'll have everything I need and maybe I'll have a few wants thrown in there.
Only time will tell. I just have to learn to better in my own way...
Take my medication when I know I am suppose to take - currently I take it whenever. Well whenever isn't enough because I'm only hurting the people who care about me.
Work a little harder. While I do push hard then the average person there are plenty of opportunities that miss because I allow myself to only do what is necessary. I have to take every opportunity as if it was my last because the way my life has been going it could be.
Tone down the fear. Since I've become sick I spend a lot of time with fear. I use to be fearless. I was up for the challenge. I use to think maybe I was just becoming cautious now I know it is fear that is consuming me.
Change. I need to embrace what is happening to me. I cannot control it and I cannot change it. But I can roll with the punches and lessen the blow on the ego. I'm not an extremely proud individual but if I can notice the changes in myself then so can everyone else and those are the changes that I both fear and need to learn to embrace because those changes will mold the new me.
I want to tell a story, only problem is the only story I have to tell is my own. I've haven't got a grip on things enough to be about to tell my story. I don't know where to start and I don't know how it will all finish. One day someone will see the world through my eyes and hopefully that will change everything for them the way this has changed everything for me.
Anger. I have to work on being angry with God. Sometimes I ask why did you pick me. What did I do to deserve this. I should be asking how can I help people like me. It's a hard question to ask and it's even harder I'm sure to find out the answer. Being angry with God and the world is not going to solve my problems- it hasn't solved them yet at least. So rather than changing the world I need to change myself and then my situation. It's not going to be easy but I need to be committed to myself for my lifes sake.
I wanted to be extraordinary...to my doctors, I am. They have never seen someone with my condition like they see me. I always wanted to be a special person. I am. I'm special to my family because now no matter how old I am, where I live or what is happening around the world, I will always need someone to watch and take care of me. I wanted to be a writer. I may not be published, but I write and I leave my blood, sweat and tears on paper when my pen touches it. I always wanted to be different. Until recently I realized I always have been different it just wasn't as obvious to me as it is now.
I should be careful what I wish for because I did get everything I wished for but it was nothing like I planned it to be. But that' show life works out write. Nothing really works out how you plan it, it's all about how you rebound and roll with the punches.
I've always wanted to be one of those people you meet in your life that you'll never forget and believe it or not I will be a one of those people to those I allow to get to know me for who I am and not just want I go through or for what I allow them to perceive of me. I come with the good, the bad and the ugly but I always have moments of absolute beauty. I said it to myself a thousand times and now I'm going to publish it- in my own special way that is. I want to be better. I want to take care of myself and others. I'm going to follow my dreams as far as they will take me. One day I will be published. One day I will be okay. I'll know how to take care of myself and I'll have everything I need and maybe I'll have a few wants thrown in there.
Only time will tell. I just have to learn to better in my own way...
Take my medication when I know I am suppose to take - currently I take it whenever. Well whenever isn't enough because I'm only hurting the people who care about me.
Work a little harder. While I do push hard then the average person there are plenty of opportunities that miss because I allow myself to only do what is necessary. I have to take every opportunity as if it was my last because the way my life has been going it could be.
Tone down the fear. Since I've become sick I spend a lot of time with fear. I use to be fearless. I was up for the challenge. I use to think maybe I was just becoming cautious now I know it is fear that is consuming me.
Change. I need to embrace what is happening to me. I cannot control it and I cannot change it. But I can roll with the punches and lessen the blow on the ego. I'm not an extremely proud individual but if I can notice the changes in myself then so can everyone else and those are the changes that I both fear and need to learn to embrace because those changes will mold the new me.
I want to tell a story, only problem is the only story I have to tell is my own. I've haven't got a grip on things enough to be about to tell my story. I don't know where to start and I don't know how it will all finish. One day someone will see the world through my eyes and hopefully that will change everything for them the way this has changed everything for me.
Anger. I have to work on being angry with God. Sometimes I ask why did you pick me. What did I do to deserve this. I should be asking how can I help people like me. It's a hard question to ask and it's even harder I'm sure to find out the answer. Being angry with God and the world is not going to solve my problems- it hasn't solved them yet at least. So rather than changing the world I need to change myself and then my situation. It's not going to be easy but I need to be committed to myself for my lifes sake.
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